🔗 Share this article That Drifting Excrement Was Way Too Symbolic! It's the Television Letdowns of the Past Year. As we reflect on the television offerings of the past year, a handful of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from awkward sequels to confusingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that had us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote. The 'Sex and the City' Sequel How to start with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with woeful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. For a moment, as the third season started, it seemed as if it had at last hit its stride. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the last season. It ended on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was just way too on-the-nose. Yet, viewers undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a small sob? All’s Fair ‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’ But that was practically the smallest of this drama's problems. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon zero star review, it was hard to know where to begin enumerating the flaws. The laughably leaden writing? The mind-numbing glorification of wealth and materialism? The almost wilful procession of tropes? Acting so poor they felt borderline spiteful? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and never speak of this show again. Except, a new season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to. The Charlie Sheen Documentary Considering the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and parental failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this three-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive excess while failing to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any sympathy this show might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charismatic but flippant egotist. The Supercomputer Drama Of course we knew it was preposterous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat. The Gangster Drama Shady figures meeting in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back. Actually, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to accommodate baffling dialects. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various cockney picaresques which felt a bit basic. The Meghan Markle Series Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into twee homemaking as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to concede that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine animated; a meme for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, sentimental sayings and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by vast, largely unearned wealth. Ugh. Victoria Beckham There are clearly interesting things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was akin to reading a sales catalogue. She obviously has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any favours with this guarded non-event of a series. The Game Show It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality managing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too complicated to detail what precisely was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up reeking of a programme that was straining desperately to live up to something far greater than it. Too Much How does one follow a show that defined a generation? The pressure was immense for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable. The Sketch Show Return Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’. Given the smart inclusion of gifted emerging comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer. The Knox Dramatisation This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lurching from oddly breezy, slightly mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A total mess? Absolutely. Prime Target We love the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a discovery that could ruin society? No! This international thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense. 1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story This uncritical portrait followed the online personality notorious for sexual exploits as she undertook her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific shots and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.